No bending, no lifting, no twisting. No bending, no lifting, no twisting. For the past three weeks this mantra has been circling my brain like a shark around prey. It’s the “BLTs” of back surgery recovery (the medical community is obsessed with their acronyms). These are my restrictions for a minimum of six weeks. These rules may seem benign and fairly easy to follow but I’m here to tell you that you don’t realize how often you bend, lift, and twist for everything in your life, all day, every day. For someone who lives alone, these restrictions are a hindrance at every turn. I’m past the point where I need someone with me 24 hours/day. I can’t possibly justify asking a parent or friend to be here at all times in case I drop something in the kitchen or the bedroom (both of which I did yesterday). However, let me share with you some of the ongoing litany of tasks which feel impossible. Some of these even cross off some or all of the restrictions in one go:
- Taking out the trash (that’s bending and lifting, for example!)
- Replacing the trash bag
- Getting something off the bottom shelf of the fridge
- Changing the cat’s food and water
- Changing the cat’s litter
- Turning to change the temperature in the shower
- Bending to get a product off the side of your tub
- Drying yourself after the shower
- Unloading and loading the dishwasher
- Plugging and unplugging things into the wall
- Doing laundry
- Lifting up the toilet lid
- Spitting in the sink after brushing your teeth
The current state of things is a perfect example of those moments where I feel the loneliness of not having a partner set in. If only I could find my significant other, my other half, he would be able to walk in the door and help me sweep up all the Kix cereal I spilled on the floor or open the oven and take the pizza out. Instead, I find myself picking up each individual piece of Kix with one of the elderly person “claws” designed to help reach objects difficult from someone older. Have you any idea how tedious it is to pick up individual pieces of Kix with a relatively giant clamping device? In a sick way, I’m proud of how skilled I became at the task, but that’s beside the point. And I certainly am not enjoying the new burn on my left arm attempting to take the pizza out of the oven sideways while squatting. I encourage every one of you to take just one hour tomorrow during your regular day and put the bending, lifting, twisting restrictions on yourself. I think you’ll be surprised at how frequently you need to use those movements. And remember, all bending, lifting, and twisting counts. You can’t just quickly bend to grab your purse off the floor. You can’t twist to grab a new roll of toilet paper from behind you on the back of the toilet. And you most definitely can’t lift your dog up for kissing and cuddling.
And so on, and so on…..
Even though my quads are going to be in great shape by the end of this recovery from all the squatting, I’m not sure my love life will be. Experiences like major, restrictive surgery and recovery often highlight my current station in life. I try diligently to take into account all the things that DO fill my life, but some voids cannot be filled by other things. Trying to fill a lack of partnership and romantic love with friends or family is like trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. I have many, many components of my life for which I am very proud and fulfilled. But, over the last five years being alone has only gained momentum as a constant source of sadness. On the whole, I actually love living alone. It’s difficult for me to imagine what sharing a space will be like again one day. I haven’t had a roommate since college, and as I’ve said to all the people in my life, I’m not having another one until it’s a husband. However, in my post-surgery haze, being the only human being in the house is rough. It was rough the first time around and proves to be just as much so this second go round. I’m eternally grateful for the help and support my friends and family have provided me thus far. I’m so happy I have plenty of people in my life who care and will drop what they’re doing to come to my rescue. But wouldn’t it be nice to have that partner in crime available for not only emotional support, but also to help me shave my legs and put on pants? I bet you forgot that shaving and putting on pants are part of the forbidden BLT activities.
It’s impossible to know when and if this void in my life will change. As the physical gets easier, and my current restrictions are lifted in a few weeks, I can only hope that my solitude in life will be lifted too. There have been a couple bright sparks in recent months that still make my dream of meeting my best friend for life feel like a possibility. Even if those sparks aren’t my permanent match, I have been somewhat reinvigorated by my desire to make meeting someone and get married a reality. Hopefully soon I can “twist a little closer now” to my goals of love and companionship. I will keep getting healthier and I will keep that Beatles classic on the playlist for my wedding reception.
-C
Not your mother's 30s 